Decisions Decisions Decisions

          This is my son "helping" mommy with the laundry. Sometimes I get frustrated with his "helping," like when he sees a basket full of neatly folded laundry and starts throwing out the clothes onto the floor. Or when he tears apart his neatly folded drawers and his room literally looks like a hurricane hit. In those moments, I have to realize I am raising a BOY, and boys by nature want to explore and take apart their surroundings. 
          It also gets me to thinking about a decision my husband and I are praying through right now.
          It's no secret that we are struggling financially. We have a BRAND NEW car we bought a month before we had Jeremiah, which just so happened to be the same time we found a brain tumor in my husband Trevor. 2 months later our job with the Salvation Army let us go, which took away our health insurance and living quarters. 
          So we are digging our way out of this mess, by the Grace of God alone. 
          Going through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University was one of the best things that ever happened to us.
          About a month ago my husband and I felt God leading us to take a 12 week maternity leave when the time came. He was also asking us to cut my hours down to 30 right now. We prayed and prayed, and finally could ignore His voice no longer. Through a grant Trevor got from school and through our little savings, we are only 400 dollars away from our goal of staying home for 3 months. 
          Trevor came to me about a week ago with a heavy heart. He said he couldn't get it out of his head that I was supposed to stay home. Right now. For good. 
          Now you have to realize something about my husband. He has a hard time letting go and letting God. Especially with finances. We are struggling just to make ends meet with both our incomes, and now God might be asking him to have me stay home, raise our sons, while Trevor does full-time school and works 36 hours at Starbucks. So when Trevor was the first to come to me with the idea, I knew it wasn't his idea or him speaking at all. But nevertheless, the idea sounded a little crazy and we dismissed it. 
         The next day I couldn't get it out of my head that I was supposed to stay home. It followed me around all day like an annoying fly. I told Trevor and he confessed he was still thinking about it non-stop also. 
         So for the past week we have been praying and seeking God's face in this matter. We have been going over numbers, going over pros and cons, and searching the Scriptures for an answer. But really, when it comes down to it, if God is saying stay home, I had better stay home. With each passing day the conviction grows stronger and we have more and more peace about it. 
         As I look at my son throwing laundry out of the laundry basket, I am reminded of a time before the brain tumor, before his birth. A time when I had such strong convictions about staying home with my children and raising them myself. I am also reminded of the daily struggle of being at work and listening to my child scream in the room next door, and me having to take care of 14 other children. I don't know how many times I have been reduced to tears, wondering why I am doing this to myself and my child.
          I love weekends at home. Trevor works the morning shift, and it's just Jeremiah and me. A deep desire of my heart is to be a stay at home mommy. It always has been. After everything in October of 2009, it was a responsibility and a necessity for me to go to work in January at a daycare where I could bring Jeremiah for free. Praise God for leading us to that job, that served a great purpose, not only helping us financially, but in helping me grow as a mother and in my relationship with God. 
           So we'll talk about it tonight as we do Trevor's homework together, and we'll pray some more, and hopefully we will make the decision that is in line with God's perfect will. 

He's fascinated with laundry


  1. You have such a heart for God...its awesome to read.

    Maybe Jeremiah is looking for his other sock? ;)

  2. :)
    He hates wearing clothes in this stage of life. He literally freaks out on his clothing, and screams and tries to get out of it. Socks I guess are the easiest to remove!!! :) haha!

  3. So I'm wondering if this post was a message to my heart from God? This has been on my heart like crazy lately. And hubby and I just had a conversation last night (one of many we've had) that it's just "not possible" with his income alone. We're both trying to get to a place of full surrender and trust that we can make it work if God calls us to it. I would love to hear more about your decision to stay home and what eventually led you all to take the leap. I'm reading an amazing book called "Starting Your Family" by Steve and Candace Watters..such a scripturally sound book that has convicted me greatly of the fact that if God blesses us with precious babies, then it is our responsibility to take care of them and raise them in His love. What greater calling is there? Thanks for sharing your journey!

  4. When you surrender to God in an area as scary and big as this...the rewards are incredible. Not necessarily financially, but spiritually.
    I am so convinced that Mothers should stay home and raise their babies. My husband and I MADE it work. We do not have a television, no internet, 1 car (which we owe nothing on) and we sold our brand new one. We do not go out to eat very often, and we buy the cheap toilet paper :D I also watch a girl on the side, which brings in a little extra income and helps my boys interact with other children.
    It is so possible if God is asking you to do it. He has blessed us so much each month, and has always come through for us. There have been times when we have wondered how we will survive, but He's always been faithful. We've had to rely on Him and not a full bank account, but it has strengthened our faith and marriage.
    You will NEVER wish you hadn't stayed home. It's hard, and it's overwhelming at times, especially with two, but it's so worth it.
    I will be praying for you! I hope this helped a little. Thank you for the comments :) I deeply appreciate you giving my blog your precious time.


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