Sitting on the edge of my seat.
Eyes darting to all three mirrors, back again to road in front.
Squinting as car after car rushes by me.
I realized tonight that my relationship with God is sometimes like driving on a highway in the dark.
As I drove those unfamiliar roads home tonight, I was flooded with fear after heart gripping fear.
"What if my car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, and I can't find my hazard lights and some scary guy stops to 'help' me and what if...."
"What if my husband dies and I don't know how to live life without him and I don't know how to ask for help and no one wants to help me or they help me in wrong ways and what if..."
I absolutely hate being blinded by drivers in the next lane as they whip past me at 65 miles an hour. I absolutely hate not being able to see where this road is going to take me; it's just me and this car and endless fields of corn and darkness. I feel trapped and blind and completely out of control.
I absolutely hate when I can't see why I'm going through this hard time. I hate not being able to see the reason for the pain, or a light at the end of the dark, long, scary tunnel. I feel trapped and blind and out of control.
And then something happens. I'm filled with a strange, other-worldly courage. The words I've been saying out loud for the past week come back to me...how familiar they have become. How vital to surviving the day...
"In the Name of Jesus I renounce..."
5x a day. 10x a day. Sometimes even 30x a day.
I have to or I'll be eaten alive by the fear, the images, the thoughts that lead my mind down pathways of death.
And it's only by speaking those words out loud that I am set free. It's only by renouncing and re-filling my mind with the sweet words of Truth that the fear is dispelled and pictures of mighty warrior angels flying down the highway with me appear in my mind.
My relationship with God is a lot like driving on a highway in the dark...full of promise for opportunities to trust Him with everything I have. Full of obstacles to seek His wisdom in. Full of opportunity to fail, and be picked back up again, dusted off, and kissed on the forehead by a Daddy who forgives and gives Grace freely.
It's not so scary after all...