My taste of single motherhood

     Goodness gracious single moms, how in the world do you do it?!  I just had one of the hardest nights in a long time, and got to the point where I just tuned my children out as they screamed in the back seat, on the way home from Urgent Care. Bare with me now. 
     It all started two days ago, when Jeremiah, my oldest, had a high fever. The nurse firmly stated that "we've been telling new parents that fevers are good"and just to watch it. Feeling like an idiot I just shook my head yes, as if she could see me on the other end of the telephone, and agreed with her that it was no big deal. The fever finally broke; everything was fine.
     Then this morning he woke up with a huge rash all over his poor little baby body. I was freaking out. All possibly scenarios ran through my sleep-deprived mind. Heat-rash? Chicken pox? Did he bite himself in the middle of the night? Then everyone said it probably was nothing to freak about, so I nodded my head as I read the Facebook comments, and canceled the doctor's appointment this afternoon. 
     When he woke up from his afternoon nap, I thought someone must have snuck into his room and set him on fire. All morning he had been super cranky. As in, smacking everyone and everything in site, throwing himself dramatically onto the kitchen floor and flopping around like a dying fish, all the while screeching like a wounded mountain lion. I was ready to bang my head into our steel door. Yeah... it's really steel. 
     But when he woke up from his 2 hour nap, it all came to a head. Trevor was at work, Judah was sleeping, and Jeremiah's world was ending. He screamed. He cried. He wailed. He shrieked. And he did all other synonyms of the word scream. I was in tears as I called my husband, freaking out, telling him I needed to go to Urgent care. Jeremiah had to have an ear infection, or an alien had taken up residence in his brain and was controlling him, who had never acted like this in his entire life. 
     No car at home, my wonderful friend Emily agreed to let me borrow her mini van. I was overcome with relief, then for a brief second realized I would have to do this alone. With both kids. There was no time to waste dwelling on this terrifying thought as I rushed around throwing diapers in the baby bag and cheerios into Jeremiah's snack cup. We'd be back in time for supper right? Hah. 
This would have come in handy
     I got to the clinic, went to get Jeremiah out of the van, and realized I had forgot to put a coat on him. I smacked myself in the forehead, knowing full well how it would look to bring a sick baby to Urgent Care with no coat on. I barely had time to notice the mini was parked at a horrific angle while I hauled a 35lb baby carrier in one hand and a 25lb toddler in the other. 
     I didn't count how many horror-filled sympathetic looks I received as I plopped through the doctor's office, huffing and puffing. Once safely sitting inside the office, I let Jeremiah run loose and I sat there with Judah, naively waiting to be called on in 10 minutes. 
     20 minutes later, as I sat in the waiting room, Judah pooped, and it was LOUD. I did not even dare look up and apologize to everyone. I was too busy making a game plan that involved steering my toddler into the women's bathroom and changing my 3 month old's poopy diaper with the wipes that I forgot to bring in my hastiness. I gritted my teeth, wet some paper towels, and reminded myself that I was very capable of this, and that it would all be over soon. 
     2 hours later...yes, 2 hours...The doctor told me there was nothing they could do for Jeremiah, who had a viral infection and hives that didn't itch. I just sat there, dumbly staring at this old, disinterested doctor who could care less what I just went through to help my baby get better. And he just stood up to leave, smiling and inching toward the door, and said, "You can leave once you are all packed up." 
     That's IT? Are you kidding me?! No advice, no help at all?! I bit my lip to keep from crying as I packed up to go, dreading the walk to the mini, and the ensuing backing out of the parking lot from the horrible parking job. By this time it was WAY past Jeremiah's supper and bed time, and I was just at a loss of what to think, let alone do. I felt like an idiot, like I had just wasted 3 hours of my life when I could have stayed home and nursed my sweet son back to health, instead of dragging him all over high heaven for no good reason. 
Super Dad, and he who keeps me sane
     I drove home, tuning out Judah's screams, who screams every time he even smells his car seat, drained. Just drained. These past few days have been so draining. And really, after of all this, I just fall to my knees in thanks to God, who blessed me with a husband, a husband who is a wonderful-no, FANTASTIC- Daddy, and an incredible husband. I sorely missed him tonight. 
     Single mothers, I now have a deeper respect for you. You are awesome. 
     Both boys are asleep now, and I think I will just sit on my couch and stare at a wall for a few hours. 

Comments

  1. I can sort of relate to the single-mother thing. I haven't ever said to Jake because I never want him to feel bad, but many days I spend at least part of the day feeling like a single mother. But then, I remind myself, he's home from midnight to 8am generally, and that's better than always doing it alone.

    Anyway, BRAVO for making it through. :)

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  2. I totally understand your situation.I feel for those mothers who had no choice in being all alone, parenting and caring for there children with no one to call and ask questions. The other night Grayson was super sick and I had to rush him to the ER when he was burning up with a 104.5 fever while Rob was in Fargo. I had to sit and watch doctors and nurses hold my baby down while he screamed and arched his back to try and put in a Cath and an IV all alone. I at least could call my husband and new he would and could calm me down but there are mothers who either have lost their spouse or have had there significant other just abandon them.

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  3. Its frustrates me the way the ER and urgent care "help". It seems like they do nothing at all... its so frustrating! If your baby is screaming his head off, if he is sick, if he has hives, there has to be SOMETHING they can do. Instead they are just like, "everything looks good...everything is fine." ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Does EVERYTHING LOOK FINE? No! I wish they'd be more helpful, but good job mama for taking care of both your babies! =)

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  4. @Nicole- Girl, I cannot imagine my husband being away that often. I would jump right off the deep end. Although, i'm sure it doesn't help matters that I am a tad co-dependent on him. :( You are brave!

    @Jillian- Oh my goodness I am sorry! I had no idea it was so bad! Poor Grayson! That makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I don't know how mothers make it alone. It amazes me. Miss you!

    @Hosanna- I love you too lady! :)

    @Kassie- You sound as mad as I was! I was shaking I was so upset! Poor baby! And they said they could do nothing for the hives because he wasn't itching at them...what 1 year old is going to know to itch something? He just screams if it hurts! UGH! We either need more urgent care centers so people get the treatment they deserve, or different doctor's who take more than 5 minutes to evaluate a very sick baby and write them off so quickly.

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  5. Bless your heart! (And mental state, ha!) I can so relate, though. Some days my Hubby works 17 hr days and it's just exhausting for me. Thankfully my parents live close and can watch the baby while I run errands. I had to take Q to the family dr. the other day, too. He runs the highest fevers, it's insane, and he runs them with everything! I break out in random viral rashes occasionally, it's so annoying! I wish I knew what caused them...

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  6. I can really relate to you here marybeth. I almost freak out every time i have to take both children some where alone! its even harder when they dont feel good. I think at some point we all get that little taste of what it would be like if we had to do it alone , and like you said get a whole new respect for the people who have to do it alone every day.
    I've actually changed doctors several times because i felt they were just writing me and my children off.

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  7. Hi MaryBeth. Wanted to stop by and let you know that I just awarded you the Versatile Blogger award. I love reading your posts!

    http://www.thoughts4theroad.com/2011/02/and-bloggy-goes-to.html

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  8. Oh wow, you've had quite a day. I cannot imagine. I am so thankful my husband never goes anywhere. And half of my kids are teens now, so when mom needs a break, I hire one of them for free! Take care!

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  9. Wow. Words cannot express how much I sat here and smiled and shook my head and sympathized. I'm not single and my husband was always around on those big days, but our daughter gave new meaning to the term terrible twos, so in a lot of ways I can relate.

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  10. Oh my...been there..done that...those days were so tough..you are so precious Mary beth

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  11. oh, girl, I can totally relate. my husband is a youth pastor so he's gone a lot in the summer for camp, mission trip, etc. it seems like something like that happens every time he leaves for a few days. this was not an instance when he was out of town, but that doesn't make it any less ridiculous. I'm still scarred. http://thefransclan.blogspot.com/2008/11/my-messiest-day-everyet-another-story.html
    hope your little man is better!

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