Bumpy Bumps

I haven't been blogging as much as I would love to. Time seems to slip all too quickly through my very busy hands, and before I know it, another day has come and gone, leaving me with hundreds of blog posts started in my head, but none that see it through to completion. 


Life has been...bumpy lately. I don't want to say hard, because hard for me is this and this.  


Trevor has been working crazy hours at Starbucks and has a full workload of online classes to attend to. He's been amazing at balancing family/school/work, but it still gets hard. I've been trying so hard to balance this pregnancy and all of the housework and the two babies who seem to be growing up way too fast, with a healthy marriage with Trevor and relationship with Jesus. 


Bumpy.


Add the facts that both Jeremiah and I caught a really bad chest cold, Judah is extra clingy (as if I don't already hold him enough!) and I'm fighting off feelings of isolation from being a SAHM...Well, let's just say it makes for a very weepy, very tired Mommy. 


Bumpy bumps.


And yet, the other night, when Trevor and I were driving home from Walmart...God reached through all of these bumps, all of these hurts, and He did what He does best. He loved me. 


My babies started giggling in the backseat. Soon, it turned to all out belly laughs. 


The sun was setting in the west, and it was the biggest, orangest, most beautiful sun I have ever seen. 


And then this song came on. 


I'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing the wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm numb to the core
I can't fake it anymore

Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again




I wept. Right there in the car, with my babies laughing up a tiny storm and my husband holding my hand...Those words hit every single ache and unspoken word in my very tired, very hurty heart. 

And I felt God's presence. Sometimes, that is all you need to be healed. His presence. Just His warmth, reaching deep inside and taking hold of your coldness and turning it back into life. 

I still have the cold. Trevor is still working crazy hours. I still long for close friendships that for some reason I haven't been able to form in the 3 years I've been living in Sioux Falls.

And I was reminded that I can fall at the feet of Jesus and pour it all out, and He'll be there to hold me. He cares. Big things, little things...He is an intimate, loving God, and He doesn't see all my failures, all of my weakness. He sees an aching heart that just needs His big ol' Daddy arms to make everything better. 


Comments

  1. what an honest, beautiful post! I love how you described weeping in the car with babes laughing and your hubby holding your hand. Sometimes the well of emotions we've been shoving down inside, come out and we can't stop them.

    You are a blessing,
    Traci

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  2. Beautiful you- I love and miss you. I love your words and your magnificent heart.

    ReplyDelete

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