What I learned about my husband today...

When tempers flare and moments get tense
when I am tempted to let go of kindness, patience, love
I remember that we are partners in this great race
Not enemies, but lovers, together, of truth and mercy.

It is so easy to let things go.
Your appearance. Your faith. Your sanity. Your marriage.
To look on the outside like roommates
and not two bursting with Agape, Eros and Philos.

So when he goes to clean the kitchen for me
and I remember what his idea of clean is and what my idea of clean is,
I also remember something he told me would help us.
To ask him to clean the kitchen as if he were cleaning his kitchen at work, for his boss, for a score, in a time limit.

And it worked. And we laughed. And he didn't make the time limit and I giggled at him when I gave him an almost failing score because the counters were dirty and he rolled his eyes and smiled.

And isn't this, this laughing and bending the knee to the one you were called to serve in the trenches, isn't this what marriage is about? Letting go of your way and the "right" way, and finding a way together...a way that works for only you?

And when we drove to the store, and the streets were covered, shimmering in inches of pure ice, and I gripped the car door and cried in terror at getting stuck in a ditch again...and he was calm and reminded me we were in South Dakota and that winters are bad...and he drove 40 miles under the speed limit for me and didn't roll his eyes and loved me even when anxiety is high and fear is gripping...isn't this, too, what marriage is all about?

How our love has changed and grown, from when he was 15 and skinny and I was 17 and silly and our love was so immature, but love nonetheless. Now he is 21 and still skinny and I am 23 and still silly but our love is maturing with wisdom and rain storms and kitchens with dirty counters and ice covered highways...and I thank God for refinement and growth even when it hurts, even when you don't like it. Because that kind of maturity and love gained is the kind that will stick when life really comes at you.


  1. Good things to learn Marybeth.
    I wish we were good at learning these things!

  2. Sister, you are singing my song... :)

  3. I found your blog from Miranda at A ThankFULL Heart.

    Marriage takes conscious decisions to let go of my way and discovering an "our" way. Your post hit the nail on the head. :-) Thanks for the reminder!

  4. Actually, I only barely missed my time limit, and the counters were not 'dirty' you just found one crumb... :] I love finding our way of doing things in this crazy life. Thanks for being mine

  5. wise beyond your years! My husband and I just finished the Love & Respect Marriage Conference....boy we old dogs learn some new tricks! What a refreshing eye-opener to realize that God made us, male and female/husband and wife different for a reason. that equality does not mean "same". That if we were the same: one of us wouldn't be neccessary!

  6. I loved this. It was a good read for me, too. We struggle with things like that occasionally, as in "what I think" versus what "he thinks" something should end up like. Haha. But, usually, we too can compromise and laugh about it.


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