Please tell me there's hope...

It's really easy for me to give in to hopelessness. Think really dark thoughts. Imagine the worst possible happening. Especially when life beats down again and again, and there seems to be no relief. 

I know the solution to this is to submerse my mind in the Truth, because it's worked before. I've banished these thoughts with a simple scripture verse, a prayer said out loud...


But sometimes I forget. When harsh words are said and my heart goes into hiding, when medicine doesn't work the way it's supposed to and you have to watch your children suffer 5 months straight, not knowing what's next, when you are faced with the impossible task of gently Mothering two sweet babies while trying to grow the third, almost ready, so weary, so exhausted....


Sometimes I don't know where to turn. Sometimes I forget that there is rest at His feet. Sometimes...sometimes all I want to do is just hide with my pain and keep it close and suffer silently. It's not easy for me to just have hope. And I feel like a bad Christian when others shake their heads and wonder, I can see it their eyes, they wonder why I can't just suck it up and have hope. Maybe that's just me, always thinking people are "out to get me"...that part of my heart that was bruised one too many times as a young child, made to believe the world was a nasty, hurtful place, to trust nobody, to let nobody in. To wrap my own arms around, encircled in the only place I knew I was safe: alone. 


But there is hope, my mind is telling me. There is sweet relief, strength...words almost foreign to a heart so willing to believe there is no good for it in this world, this life. Why can't things just be ok for a while?


It goes much deeper than sickness sticking around this house, much deeper than his words hurting when they shouldn't, much deeper...




Your Hands
JJ Heller


I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land

Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/jj_heller/your_hands.html ]
When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still
Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave you
When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave
I never leave your hands

Comments

  1. Oh my goodness, I must say... it's NOT always easy to just throw your hands up and give it all to God. Nope. We're supposed to, but yet, we're human, and sometimes, it's just really, really hard.

    Been there. Countless times.

    I'll pray for you, dearest.

    There is hope. I promise.

    <3

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the prayers and encouragement. I really, really appreciate you!

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  2. First off, I love your vulnerability! Secondly, the pastor of the church I attend just wrote a book on his experience with depression called My Name Is Hope written by John Mark Comer, he is not selling it for profit, just cost. He also just taught a series that is so good on this topic. Here is a link to the teaching if you are interested http://www.ajesuschurch.org/topic?id=875&c=1190 Praying for you!

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    Replies
    1. Oh I forgot to mention the book is about anxiety too. I'm excited to mail out your package tomorrow!

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    2. I will look that up, thanks!! It sounds good. Depression and anxiety definitely go hand in hand, especially for this mama!

      I am SO excited to mail out your package! I cannot wait for you to get it! :) YAY blog swaps!!

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  3. I recognize myself in your blog. In difficult times, I clip onto my promising God. He is there! every day. Whatever changes. He does not change. Never. Let us bring our troubles to Him, He cares for us.
    Great blog.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your uplifting, encouraging words...He IS always there, always waiting to strengthen, whisper words of healing and love...it's so easy to forget. Thank you for the reminder that He does not change. Things are ALWAYS changing around me, and it is comforting to know and remember that He never changes. Never.

      Much, much love!

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  4. this post reminded me a song i recently heard "fallen man" by Relient K
    "Don't give up, it's not the end,
    There's hope for every fallen man,
    To pick themselves up when they think they can,
    Because with every passing second comes a second chance"
    I think everyone feels hopeless i know i have. Things dont always go right, but at lest we all have someone to lean on. We will keep you in our prayers

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