Just hold on

It's almost here...


The birth of our 3rd child. Sometimes I just look at Trevor and we laugh. 3 children? Life is going to get crazy (going to get? Hah.) Our hearts are going to expand with so much love, which seems impossible with all the love they hold now for these two...




We look into the backseat when we are driving, and laugh. How are we going to fit 3 car seats in this car? 


We look at our house, the toys everywhere, the dishes in the sink, and laugh. How are we going to keep up with 3 boy's messes?


And I try to stop thinking so much about the future...because the reality of it is...I need to be right here, right now. I need to be holding my boys right now. Once I have that C-section, I won't be able to pick them up for quite a while. I'll be focusing on breastfeeding and napping and surviving the newborn stage. I'll be dealing with those postpartum emotions that are not my friend. 




But Judah...oh Judah...he is still so much my baby. And my heart just breaks thinking of when Miah came to visit me in the hospital when Judah was just hours old...how big he looked, how much he aged in the time span of a few hours. I wasn't prepared. I didn't realize...
He still looked so much like my baby...but at the same time, he was so grown up all of a sudden...
So I cling to them both, not knowing what the birth of this new little will bring to my heart, the motherhood of my other two boys. But also knowing it's part of life, part of growth and change. And I embrace it...




Comments

  1. My heart aches for you, both in happy and sad ways!

    And this post gets me thinking about what will happen come this August. I'm not quite ready to let go of Spencer's "babyhood" either, although I very much see him as a toddler now, too. I just haven't really thought of him as that big brother yet.

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    Replies
    1. I don't think anything can prepare you for the change with your older kids...it just happens and you are left to pick up the pieces of your heart and figure out how to move on...it's bittersweet....

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  2. Well, can I just be honest and say that I am glad that you have gone before me and can help me cope by listening and telling me I'm not crazy (assuming I won't be), if I find myself overwhelmed?

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    1. Some days I wonder if I'M not crazy! haha. But yes, I am grateful for your honesty, and will try my hardest to help you not think you're crazy...although, at times, even all the pep talks from friends sometimes don't help that feeling...it's at the feet of Jesus I find the most clarity!! <3

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