Exhausted.

I have about 5.4 seconds to write before one of the three wakes up. 


I thought I knew what exhausted was in college when I would stay up late and study for a test.


I then realized that was nothing compared to pulling overnights as a waitress.


I laughed at that memory as my first child was born, and sleepless nights and days became a norm. 


As I sit here, back aching, eyes bleary and bloodshot, house in shambles, trying to hold on to life by a thread of sanity, I now know what exhausted is for me. 


Truly, exhausted is three under three.


But...


I cry, and I push on. 
Baby cries, and I push on. 
The two toddlers cry, and I push on. 


Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.  


I feel like losing it, completely losing it, when Judah throws a ball at Jericho's head. 
Or when one cries as they all fall asleep...finally asleep...
Or when laundry just piles high and I can't find anything, not even sweats, to wear.
Or when Miah throws one more fit.
Or when dinner time comes and all three want fed NOW. 


And it's in those moments, on the verge of tears, on the verge of {me} screaming, on the verge of giving up...That I know I can't, I never could, do it on my own. No way. This is real life. This is pain. This is when falling at His feet and crying out and trusting His strength means everything. 


Because if I don't...


Well, there is no {if I don't}


These three depend on me...


Via

Comments

  1. I really can't imagine having three so small...
    You're doing so well Marybeth...even if I don't see you...I know your strength and that it isn't really your strength, but HIS that you are relying on...I know that is what is carrying you through.

    Prayers and hugs for you, friend!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Kassie...somedays, I can't imagine NOT having all three...it's days like that, that I store up in my heart for the REALLY hard days, like today and yesterday.

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  2. I admire your strength with your 3 under 3. I am TERRIFIED lately to have 2 under two. And after spending nearly 2 hours fighting SJ to take a nap this afternoon... I realize I am IN FOR IT. Sometimes I think I've already reached my limit. I guess we'll see.

    (PS: Still no Judah in your side bar!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's A LOT easier than we think it's going to be before it happens. Before Jericho, I was picturing terrible things. It helps that you are totally in love with the kids, cuz then it's A LOT easier to disregard the thoughts of giving up ;)

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  3. Just kidding! Judah magically appeared as I sent that. Haha.

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  4. Oh girl! I don't have kiddos, but I'm praying for you! And am extra thankful Jesus is greatest whennwe'rebat our weakest :)

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    Replies
    1. Oh I am grateful for this also! His strength seems to shine through the most when I feel just done in. Thank you for the comment and prayers!!

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  5. i love you so much. you are soooooo strong and so Godly. I miss you and I cannot wait to see your BEAUTIFUL face again. Oh how i loove you


    -jojo

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  6. I need Thee Every Hour, the Mama's anthem.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZIMDcgrF-Q

    You're in my prayers, sweet lady. This Mama to Little's business is tough stuff.

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  7. ((hugs)) You are such an inspiration to me. LeAnna is right, being a Mama to littles IS tough stuff. I love how you just keep holding onto Him for strength,

    "That I know I can't, I never could, do it on my own. No way. This is real life. This is pain. This is when falling at His feet and crying out and trusting His strength means everything." This is so perfect and brutally honest and I love the way you put it into words!

    Thank you for sharing your heart, even with all that exhaustion weighing on you.

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