Those crazy Thielkes

I've seen the look on people's faces. It started when we got engaged while Trevor was still in high school, with plans to marry right after he graduated. 

Then the look came when we decided to accept the position as Youth Pastors- 1 week after getting married. That uprooted us from our small town, and took us up here to Sioux Falls. 

I heard it in voices when we announced our pregnancy- a mere 3 1/2 months after we got married. 100% Planned. Expectant. 

And again...when Miah was 4 months old and we announced Judah was on his way, due 1 month after Miah turned 1. And not surprisingly when we announced Jericho and then baby #4....

We're no strangers to people's looks. Or their opinions about our choices. Everyone is free to their own opinions. Some are more outspoken about those opinions, and I respect that. It's just made me more resolute in standing my ground when I make a decision in life. Not everyone is going to understand your life decisions, because not everyone is the same, no one has had the same background. Not everyone has the same views on everything. That's just a duh. 

I'm super young. I realize that. I'm only 25 with 3 kids and 1 on the way. Trevor's even younger. Every time he starts a new position for work, people FREAK out when he reveals his age, usually a few months after they've known him. They guess late 20's, some even early 30's. He's got to be, with his family the size it is! They literally gasp when he says 23-24. He loves it. 

I L-O-V-E our life. I wouldn't trade it for anyone's. Absolutely none. My boys adore one another, and all 3 play so well together. They are smart, they all sleep through the night, and take 2 hour naps during the day. They call me beautiful and pick me flowers. They smile at me randomly and my mommy heart melts into a big soppy puddle on the dirty floor. If I were to recount all the ways I am blessed, it wouldn't be able to be contained in this blog.  It's bliss. 

That isn't to say I don't have my days where I weep into Trevor's arms, asking him why the heck he impregnated me AGAIN and to stay away from me or he will suffer more bodily hard than I have the past 4 pregnancies. Or when all 3 toddlers are screaming and wanting to be held and baby #4 is kicking my ovaries black and blue and I can't breathe and Trevor is late home from work and supper consists of cereal and apples.....and I just want to get the vacuum and pretend I'm cleaning because that's really the only time the kids leave me alone.

So here we are, on the verge of crazy again. Just a week ago I was playing with the idea of getting a smart phone. My sister is a phone saleslady and is really good at her job. I had a whole list of reasons why I should and why I need. Trevor was open to the idea. I was ecstatic. I searched for all the cute iPhone cases and accessories. I was on Pinterest for a whole nap time looking it all up. 

Then that feeling started creeping into my heart. I could hate that feeling if I didn't trust it so dang much. It's the same feeling I got vacuuming the floor at Runza, my first high school job. I just knew I had to break up with my boyfriend. I had that feeling. And I argued with God for 30 minutes straight while cleaning up hard french fries and straw wrappers. But God! I've been in love with him for so long! My poor 15 year old heart. But I just knew- I couldn't live with that feeling. 

I get feelings about things other people don't. Other people get feelings about things I don't. I can listen to I'm Sexy and I Know It and other songs as such, and be just fine. But a smart phone? Feeeeeeeling. 

Ok, so I knew a smart phone wasn't the wisest idea for my family, especially since I am about to have 4 boys to focus on and rear. I know myself. I have to have Trevor take the internet cord with him to work some days so I don't sit on my rear and waste my whole day waiting for you people to post some incredibly important tib-bit about your day on Facebook. 

So then I got to thinking....why not just give up internet as a whole? My word for this year is brave, and that would certainly be masochistic brave. I would be able to actually clean my house without seeing all the pictures of perfectly decorated and cleanly homes on Pinterest that make me so discontent with my apartment. Or that make me crazy that I can't even do 1 load of laundry a day, 1 craft a day, and 1 fabulously cooked meal a day. (I love Pinterest. I just need a break from all the perfection that is not real life.)

So I went from begging Trevor for a smart phone (he makes all final decisions in our home) to suggesting we both get dumb phones and cut internet completely. 

Then he said he was playing with the idea of getting a second job. 

*cue the look* I know I gave him the look. 

We have our reasons. Good ones, to us. We know the costs. Sometimes not until afterwards. He had a second job last summer and it was hell for 3 months. Every hard decision we've made in the past has grown us in some way or form. Whether that's experience to know to never do that again, or the wisdom knowing that sometimes you just can't get where you want to go without doing the really hard things. And hard things are sometimes good things in disguise. 

So we're getting rid of internet, Trevor is getting a second job for 2 days a week for the next 2 1/2 months, and we're trusting God for provision. Not monetary provision (well, we always trust Him on that!) but provision for strength, endurance, grace when things get ugly, and JOY to carry us through the storms. Even when things aren't crazy we need all of those things. But for sure- now! 

It's worth it, I tell ya. When I'm at the feet of Jesus, weeping, begging for strength to just get through 1 more hour, and I feel peace and have sudden inspiration to turn on some music and dance with my babies. Or when the peace doesn't come and I just feel His arms around me, knowing his presence makes all the difference. It's so worth it. When I look at Trevor, that man I fell in love with when he was 15 years old, and I smile at how far we've come, where we're going, and I have to pinch myself so I know I'm not dreaming. This is real life. In all it's messiness and hard choices and fear and blind faith. 

I'm living brave in 2014, and that looks differently for me than it would for you, maybe. I'm not excited about no internet and getting through 3 months of Trevor being gone for 2 nights a week. I don't look forward to the suffering and relish the pain. That would be sick. But I trust that on the other side of that, is joy and peace unequal to that I have in this moment.

Be blessed, friends. Be brave! 


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